Motherhood expectations often don’t align with reality. The moment you became a mum, you likely realised that it wasn’t at all what you had expected. You may have imagined smooth transitions, endless moments of bonding, and a sense of fulfilment as you navigated your new life. Instead, you probably found yourself facing sleepless nights, the constant pressure of being ‘on,’ and sometimes, the overwhelming feeling of isolation. The perfect image of motherhood you’d seen in movies or on social media didn’t always match the reality.
If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Motherhood is rarely the flawless, picture-perfect experience many of us expect. The reality often feels more chaotic, more challenging, and at times, more isolating. But that doesn’t make it any less rewarding. Understanding that things won’t always go as planned can help you embrace the journey with more compassion and patience—for yourself and your baby.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the gap between motherhood expectations and the reality of becoming a mum, offering insights on how to navigate this beautifully unpredictable journey. For a deeper conversation, be sure to listen to our podcast, The Reality of Becoming a Mum: What I ordered VS What I got on Spotify
1. The Expectation of Instant Bonding vs. The Reality of Building a Relationship Over Time
Expectation: The moment you meet your baby, it’s expected that an instant, undeniable bond will form. We often hear about the magical connection new mothers feel with their newborns, fuelled by overwhelming love.
Reality: For many mothers, that initial connection is not immediate. Factors such as birth complications, physical exhaustion, or emotional overwhelm can make it difficult to feel that instant bond. Bonding is a process, and it may take time to form that deep connection with your baby. Your relationship will grow stronger with each passing day.
2. The Expectation of a Swift Postpartum Recovery vs. The Reality of Postpartum Fatigue
Expectation: After giving birth, you might expect to feel energised and return to your pre-pregnancy self almost immediately. Society and the media often portray postpartum recovery as a quick and effortless return to normal.
Reality: Postpartum recovery can be exhausting. Recovering from childbirth, coping with sleep deprivation, and adjusting to a new routine all take time. It’s not uncommon to feel mentally and physically drained. Accepting that recovery is a gradual process—and giving yourself permission to rest—can make a world of difference.
3. The Expectation of a Tidy Home vs. The Reality of a Newborn’s Impact on Your Home Life
Expectation: You might picture a perfectly organised home, where everything is in place, and life continues smoothly while you adjust to motherhood.
Reality: The reality of caring for a newborn often means your home becomes chaotic. Babies cry, need constant care, and their sleep schedules can be unpredictable. It’s okay if your home isn’t pristine—what matters most is your well-being and your bond with your baby.
4. The Expectation of Constant Support vs. The Reality of Isolation
Expectation: Many new mothers envision having a constant support system—a circle of family, friends, and professionals ready to help and offer guidance.
Reality: For many, moments of isolation are more common than expected. The physical and emotional demands of caring for a newborn can leave mums feeling alone, even when they have support nearby. It’s crucial to seek out connections, whether through your partner, family, or online communities, to help combat feelings of isolation.
For deeper insights on building a supportive network during the postpartum period, listen to our latest podcast episode. You are welcome to join 5StarMums Community HERE
5. The Expectation of Perfection vs. The Reality of Embracing Imperfection in Motherhood
Expectation: The ideal image of motherhood suggests that mums should be calm, organised, and patient at all times, managing everything with ease.
Reality: Motherhood is rarely perfect. It’s a mix of beautiful moments and difficult ones. You will have days when you feel overwhelmed or lose your patience. That’s part of the journey. Embracing imperfection is key to navigating the ups and downs of being a mother.
6. The Expectation of a Quick Physical Recovery vs. The Reality of Healing Over Time
Expectation: There’s often an assumption that mothers should “bounce back” physically in a matter of weeks—whether that’s getting back to pre-pregnancy weight or returning to regular activities.
Reality: Physical recovery after childbirth can take longer than expected. Whether recovering from a vaginal birth or a C-section, your body needs time to heal. The focus should be on gradual recovery, self-care, and allowing your body to heal at its own pace.
Navigating the Real Journey of Motherhood
The transition into motherhood is a complex, evolving experience, full of highs and lows. It’s essential to manage your motherhood expectations and embrace the journey as it unfolds. Acknowledging that every mum’s experience is unique can help ease the pressure to “have it all together” at every moment.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, to take breaks, and to focus on your own well-being. Motherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, day by day, for yourself and your baby.
For more insights, stories, and tips on motherhood expectations vs. reality of motherhood, don’t miss our podcast, The Reality of Becoming a Mum: What I ordered VS What I got available now on Spotify.
“Don’t go through mumming alone.”
FK Jesuyode
Founder, 5StarMums
