Date night or not…when you become a mum for the first time, especially in a culture like ours where motherhood is often seen as your full identity, it’s easy to forget that you were once someone’s partner before you became someone’s mother.
In the thick of postpartum life, with the baby crying, your body healing, sleep nearly impossible, and responsibilities piling up like never before, your romantic relationship can quietly begin to fade into the background. Not out of neglect or lack of love, but simply because everything feels urgent and loud, except the quiet need to reconnect.
But here’s the truth most of us don’t say out loud: your relationship deserves attention too. Not in a performative, Instagram-worthy kind of way, not to prove anything to anyone, but because a connected, emotionally safe relationship is part of your wellbeing. It matters for your mental health, it matters for your child, and it matters for you.
Why Date Nights Still Matter After Baby
Date nights aren’t about dressing up or expensive restaurants, they’re about remembering that your relationship is still a living, breathing part of your life. It still needs to be seen, fed, and nurtured.
When you intentionally spend time as adults; talking, laughing, touching, listening, it sends a powerful message to both you and your partner: we still choose each other.
This matters more than many people realise, especially in the postpartum period. The emotional toll of becoming new parents can be heavy. One partner may feel forgotten, the other may feel unappreciated, both may be tired and confused about how to support each other. Without small pockets of reconnection, the distance can grow in silence.
That’s where adult time comes in, not as another item on your endless to-do list, but as a lifeline. A small, consistent way to pause the world and simply be together again.
What Adult Time Actually Looks Like
Let’s be honest, in real life, date nights post-baby are not candlelit dinners every week. Sometimes, adult time is sitting on the couch after bedtime with tired eyes and talking about your day, it’s going outside to get suya and walking back hand-in-hand. Sometimes it’s sending each other voice notes when the baby won’t nap.
It doesn’t have to be grand, it just has to be real.
It’s in those little moments; genuine laughter, a long hug, eye contact across a messy living room, that you remember you’re not just partners in parenting, but partners in love, in life, in everything.
If you live in Nigeria, and especially if you live with extended family or have limited help, the idea of date nights might feel completely unrealistic, but that’s exactly why it’s worth fighting for. You are not just co-parents, you are not roommates raising a child together, you are still a couple, still worthy of warmth and attention, even if it’s just for ten minutes at a time.
For the Mums Who Feel Alone in This
What if you’re the only one trying? What if your partner seems uninterested or distant?
This is where honesty becomes vital, one person can’t carry a whole relationship, but one person can create an opening, a soft start, a “Can we talk for a bit later tonight?” a “Let’s try something new this week.”
If you’re feeling disconnected, you’re not alone, many new mums feel this way, and it doesn’t make you ungrateful or needy, it makes you human. Your need for companionship, intimacy, and adult conversation doesn’t disappear just because you’ve had a child. If anything, it becomes more important.
What Healthy Relationships Do for New Mothers
Strong relationships don’t just benefit the couple, they create emotional stability for the entire family.
When mums feel supported and emotionally connected, they tend to navigate postpartum stress better. They’re less likely to feel isolated, they’re more likely to speak up when they’re struggling.
Date nights and adult time give you space to be more than a mum, to return, even briefly, to the version of yourself that could laugh without guilt, that could receive love, not just give it.
And your child deserves to see love in action, not just duty.
Listen to the Full Conversation on Spotify
If this resonates with you, we had a deep, heartfelt conversation about this exact topic on the 5StarMums Podcast, titled The Importance of Date Nights and Adult Time. We unpacked the emotional and practical realities of keeping love alive during postpartum, especially in the Nigerian context.
You can listen to the full episode here:
🎧 The Importance of Date Nights and Adult Time – 5StarMums Podcast on Spotify
Whether you’re a new mum, a partner trying to support better, or someone who just wants to feel seen in this wild season of motherhood, the episode is for you.
A Final Word
There’s no perfect formula, no rigid rules, but if there’s anything you take away from this, let it be this: your relationship still matters, and so do you.
You’re not just surviving motherhood, you’re allowed to experience joy, connection, and even romance, yes, even now, especially now.
If you found this post helpful, share it with another mum who might need the reminder, and don’t forget to follow the 5StarMums Podcast for more honest conversations about motherhood, mental health, and everything in between.
You deserve love that shows up for you, even in the middle of motherhood.
“Don’t go through mumming alone.”
FK Jesuyode
Founder, 5StarMums
